I’m going to be honest here, I just finished a different blog post which was then lost when my program crashed. The autosave wasn’t working. And I’m fighting a breakdown.

It’s not been a good day. My day job has been slowly eroding my enthusiasm and breaking down my resolve. Things keep going wrong. I’m sitting in the library with a haze of angst just out of arms reach, threatening to overtake me. Maybe it’s the fluorescent lighting or the other folks placidly tapping away on their keyboards, but I feel better for setting aside the lost writing and getting back to why I’m doing this in the first place–for the writing.

Just writing those last two paragraphs has given me more strength. I’m using my favorite stress techniques and thinking about the positive future I hope for. You never know what good things you’ll miss when you’re having a panic.

I often wish I had better advice for myself or anyone struggling to overcome panic and stress. I dislike oversimplifying complicated negative emotions, especially ones that can constitute disorders. I do not presume to have solutions for anyone, let alone myself. All I can do is share this post which I wrote while trying to ease my anxiety. It seems to have worked for a change. Perhaps the public forum is an aide for once? Darkness can’t stand up to daylight. Similarly, doing what you love (despite the panic and depression) might hijack your brain into a better space. I don’t know and that’s okay for now. Maybe I’ll handle the next hurdle better than this one–and someday I’ll rewrite that blog post.