L.I.V.E
by Anthony Rossi
Dr. Friedrick usually came to visit Nathan every morning around 10:00. The fact that it wasn’t always exactly at 10:00 bothered Nathan a little, but the one time he brought it up Dr. Friedrick just muttered “interesting,” and wrote something down on his clipboard. Nathan didn’t mention it ever again. He usually found it difficult to converse with the doctor in any case. Dr. Friedrick always seemed stiff and uncomfortable during his visits, like he somehow didn’t belong in Nathan’s room. Unfortunately, the doctor was the only person that ever came to visit Nathan, and so he had to be content with the company he had.
Today, though, something out of the ordinary had happened. After all the normal questions (“How are you feeling today? What did you do yesterday? Are you making any progress on the problems that we assigned to you?”) Dr. Friedrick lowered his clipboard and said, “Nathan, it isn’t right that an energetic young teenager like yourself should remain isolated from his peers.”
Nathan felt something stirring in his chest. “Does this mean you’re going to let me out of the room?”
Dr. Friedrick blinked at Nathan, slowly raised his clipboard and jotted down a few notes. Once he was finished, he lowered the clipboard again. “No, but we are going to hook up an internet connection. We’ll bring you a computer and a couple of gaming consoles and you can use them to play online with other people your age.”
“Oh. Okay. That sounds interesting.” Nathan was a little disappointed that he wouldn’t be leaving the confines of his room, but the idea of meeting new people excited him enough that the disappointment was pretty short-lived.
0 0 0 0 0 0
10:21 – Subject displayed curiosity as to what was beyond his living space.
0 0 0 0 0 1
When Nathan woke up the next morning the equipment was already installed. There was a desktop computer set up on his desk, and the wall next to the TV had been outfitted with neat, white shelving. The shelves held the consoles that Nathan had been promised, as well as an impressive library of games. Nathan desperately wanted to try everything out, but after a moment he decided it would be best to stick to his wake-up routine. He made his bed, cooked himself some breakfast (he wasn’t hungry, but Dr. Friedrick assured him that eating breakfast every morning was a good habit to get into), and spent 1 hour working on the homework that Dr. Friedrick had given him. Once he was finished, he noticed that the people who had installed the consoles had left a bit of a mess, so he tidied up the area around the television for 24 minutes and some seconds. In that time, he vacuumed the light-brown carpet, scrubbed the walls until they were the proper shade of off-white, and straightened the black leather couch. Since he was cleaning anyway, he spent 10 minutes and 11 seconds meticulously mopping the white tile in the kitchen area and buffing the counter which separated the cooking area from the dining area.
At 9:59 Dr. Friedrick came in to interrogate Nathan on his activities, but Nathan dropped a couple of hints to the effect that he was excited to play his new games and he got the doctor out of his room within 10 minutes — a new record, with the previous record being 16 minutes and 40 seconds. After Dr. Friedrick left, he finished up the rest of his homework. Just for the sake of novelty, he looked up Dr. Friedrick’s e-mail address and sent his answers to the doctor as an attachment. Only then did he inspect the newest additions to his room in earnest.
There were 68 games in total, with about 24 for each of the consoles. Unable to discern any noticeable difference between any of the consoles (or any of the games, really), Nathan chose a case at random and put the disk in the appropriate device. The game was a war simulator where the user played from the perspective of an infantryman fighting in a futuristic conflict. In exactly 20 minutes, Nathan felt comfortable enough with the basics to venture online, and 5 minutes after that he was in the midst of a team-based multiplayer challenge. He was abysmally bad at first; His aim was fine, but his ability to predict the enemies’ actions was spotty at best. Still, he figured it was worth it to hear the voices of other people crackling in his headset.
0 0 0 0 1 0
10:03 – Subject seemed anxious to experiment with the new programs.
0 0 0 0 1 1
“No, don’t go that way, guys. I saw a shit-load of them over by the factory. I think they’re trying to launch a surprise attack on our base.”
“Whoa, shit, you’re a girl!”
“Hey, guys, did you hear that? There’s a fucking girl on the server.”
“Really? Which one is the girl?”
“Uh, I think it’s… fucking… July76?”
“Yeah, good job guys. I’m a girl. Listen, I just put down a sentry and I’m seeing a ton of them over here. So stop throwing yourselves at the goddamn bunker and…”
“Pfft. As if. I’m not taking any tactical advice from some fucking slut who’s just messing around with her boyfriend’s machine. Get off our server and go play fucking Bejewelled or some other casual gamer shit.”
“Aw, come on dude. Don’t listen to that douchebag, July. He’s just being an idiot. Hey, where do you live?”
“Oh, yeah. I’m totally going to tell you where I live right after your buddy called me a whore. Think again, stupid.”
“Hey, he’s not my buddy, I don’t even know the guy.”
“I can tell you’re playing on the same console, dumbass. I can hear him talking in your mic.”
“Well screw you, you dumb bitch. I was trying to be nice.”
“You know what would have been nice? If you’d fucking listened to me and come back to base instead of wasting your time over at the bunker. There are seriously, like, 8 baddies over here and the only other person helping me guard the base is 101Nathan101.”
“Geez, lady. You’re such a try-hard. It’s just a game. You oughta find someone to help you unwind. Why don’t you give me your e-mail address and I can…”
“Yeah, you know what skeeze-wad? I’m going to have to stop you there. You’re a total idiot if you think I can’t see what you’re trying to pull.”
“Suck my dick, bitch.”
“Oh, look at that. There goes our base. I’m ditching this hole. Hey, Nathan, you wanna team up and find another server?”
“Um. Sure. Yes”
0 0 0 1 0 0
16:00 – Subject appears to be legitimately enjoying himself.
0 0 0 1 0 1
Nathan played a few more rounds with July76. It was the most fun he’d ever had. July76 had a talent for getting inside of the enemies’ collective head in the exact same way Nathan couldn’t. She could predict every ambush and every sneak attack. All Nathan had to do to succeed was follow her instructions. He still had some troubles — if July76 died he was pretty much a sitting duck — but he personally felt that he acquitted himself well, even in the games where his team lost. When 18:29 rolled around he was reluctant to bid farewell to his new-found ally, but he had to follow his schedule. He explained that he had to make dinner, and July76 seemed cool with it. She said, “Yeah, I should probably find something to eat, too. Hey, it was good playing with you!”
Nathan shut off the console 2.4 seconds after saying goodbye. July76 logged off 2 minutes and 20 seconds after that. At 18:39 Nathan finished cooking dinner and sat down to eat. He still wasn’t hungry, but it was very important that he follow the schedule. He cooked his meal hastily and ate it in about 8 minutes. He washed his dishes immediately afterward, and then went straight back to the console. There was a notification waiting for him when he logged back in. It read, “July76 has sent you a buddy request. If you choose to accept this request, you will be able to see July76’s updates, follow her into games, and use private voicechat. Accept/Deny”
Nathan stared dumbfounded at the screen for 6.7 seconds, then snapped out of his reverie. “Yes.” He said hurriedly, stumbling over his own words. “I mean, yes. I accept.” The notification disappeared and July67 showed up in his friends list on the right side of the screen. Her status read as “online,” so Nathan picked up his controller and invited her to another game.
0 0 0 1 1 0
18:45 – Subject showed signs of impatience during dinner.
0 0 0 1 1 1
“I’m sorry those people we were playing with earlier were so rude to you. I don’t understand what got into them.”
“Well, I’m pretty used to it by now. I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“Does this happen very often?”
“Oh, yeah. All the freakin’ time, really. It’s not nearly as bad when I’m playing MMO’s or RTS’s, but whenever I’m playing an FPS it’s pretty much a sure thing the moment I open my mouth.”
“That’s odd.”
“Not really. It’s just annoying as shit.”
“No, no. I apologize. That wasn’t what I was talking about. I meant that today is the first time I have ever played a videogame of any sort, but I know exactly what all those acronyms stand for.”
“Huh? What the fuck are you talking about?”
“MMO stands for ‘Massively Multiplayer Online.’ RTS is ‘Real Time Strategy,’ and FPS is ‘First Person Shooter.’ It’s curious that I know what they mean. I’ve never encountered them before.”
“You probably just picked them up from somewhere. I bet there’s a bunch of folks at your school that use them all the time. There’s tons of guys at my high school that always talk about the latest games and shit like that.”
“I don’t go to school.”
“What, really? Did you drop out or something?”
“No. I’ve never gone to school.”
“Isn’t that illegal or something? I thought you have to go to school, like, at least up to a certain point.”
“I never really thought much of it, but now that you mention it, yes, it sort of strange.”
“I wonder why your… oh, hold on a second. I haven’t see anybody for a good long while. Do you want to check behind us? I think they might be tailing us.”
“Yes. I think they were. I just died. Sorry.”
“Dammit… okay, yeah. I’m dead too.”
“Do you want to play another round?”
“Hmmm. No thanks. I’d better not. I have work in the morning, so I have to get to bed sometime.”
“Oh. Okay. Tomorrow?”
“I’m honestly a little burned out on this game. What other games do you have?”
“These ones.”
“Did you send me a text file? Hold on, let me just… Holy shit.”
“What?”
“When you said today was the first time you played a videogame, I figured you had two or three games that came with the machine, but it looks like you have a hundred or so.”
“68, actually.”
“Oh man, you have Necropolis? I fucking love that game. We should play it tomorrow after I get home.”
“I’d like that. When do you get off of work?”
“Usually around 2:00 or so. Anyway, I gotta get to bed. I’ll see you tomorrow, dude.”
0 0 1 0 0 0
20:00 – Subject was disappointed when his friend went to bed.
0 0 1 0 0 1
Dr. Friedrick never visited Nathan on Saturdays or Sundays, so Nathan usually spent the day solving puzzles or reading. The leisurely pursuit of knowledge was normally one of the highlights of his week, but today Nathan just couldn’t seem to sit still. He was counting down the minutes until July76 logged on. He made breakfast. 6 hours and 24 minutes to go. He worked on homework problems, but quickly lost interest. 5 hours and 58 minutes to go. He rearranged the furniture. 5 hours, 35 minutes to go. Was he imagining it, or were the minutes lasting longer than they normally did? That couldn’t be right. He stopped and counted the seconds. There were still 60 seconds to a minute. Maybe the seconds had somehow elongated themselves? That didn’t seem plausible either. Could it be time dilation? Unless Dr. Friedrick and his associates had somehow 1) discovered a way to travel at relativistic speeds and 2) managed to apply that principle to the entire building without Nathan noticing, that definitely wasn’t it.
Nathan looked it up using his computer. Apparently, it was not an uncommon phenomenon. One writer even claimed that it was universal to all members of the human race. Why, then, had Nathan not experienced it before? And why was he experiencing it now? Intrigued, Nathan got up and paced around his couch while he continued to browse the internet. There were many conflicting theories, but the one that caught Nathan’s attention was written by a psychologist who kept a blog about psychoanalysis.
“Our perception of time is fluid. Just as it is easy for someone to lose his or herself in a pleasurable activity for a period, it is also just as easy to become mired in the banal or mundane. This experience is something which everyone is familiar with, but not one that everyone can explain. The prevailing theory is that the left hemisphere of the brain has an internal clock, which is used to track the passing of time. Therefore, it is possible to “distract” that part of the brain by participating in right-brain activities. Similarly, it is possible to become hyper-aware of the passage of time by mentally focusing on it in the process of waiting for something.”
That was that, then. Waiting for July76 to get off of work was forcing Nathan to focus on that part of his brain which kept track of time. Time was not lasting any longer, he was just more aware of it. Yes, that must be it.
His research kept him comfortably occupied until 14:22, when he felt July76 log on. He hurried over to turn his console on and initiated voice-chat with July76 at 14:23.
0 0 1 0 1 0
10:15 – Subject is acting bored.
0 0 1 0 1 1
“Hello, July76.”
“Hey, Nathan. You’ve got good timing. I just logged on.”
“I know. I read the manual for Necropolis . It is a competitive strategy game, correct?”
“Uh, I guess you could call it that. I mean, you can technically fight each other, but I usually don’t.
“You prefer the cooperative element?”
“Yeah, I used to play this with my little sister. I think I would’ve made her cry if we’d ever played against each other, so we always just played co-op. I was cool with it. The bots are pretty challenging, so long as you crank them up to around seventy or eighty percent difficulty.
“The phrase ‘used to’ implies that you don’t play with your sister anymore. May I ask why you don’t?”
“Yikes. You don’t miss a thing, do you?”
“Was I wrong to ask?”
“No, no, it’s fine. It’s just a bit of a sensitive subject.”
“You don’t have to answer, if you don’t want to. I’ll understand if you feel uncomfortable.”
“It is a little uncomfortable, but I don’t mind telling you. Hell, it’ll probably be good for me to get it off my chest.”
“‘Get what off your chest?”
“Har, har, har. The story, you wise-ass..”
“Oh, I realize my mistake there. Sorry. My dictionary is pretty inadequate when it comes to colloquialisms.”
“Huh. Apparently being locked in a room for your whole life doesn’t do much for your social skills. Who’da thunk?”
“I’m sure someone has–“
“God damn it Nathan, it was a rhetorical question! Are you going to shut up and listen to my heart-wrenching tale or not?”
“I’m listening, July76.”
“Okay. So I have this sister, and when she was, like, 15 or so she was pretty much my best friend. She’d always play video games with me, and in return I was always there to help her with her girly shit. You know, baking cookies, doing our nails, gossiping. Crap like that. I wasn’t all that into it, of course, but spending time with my sister made it worth it.”
“What changed?”
“She started getting really popular at school when I was senior. She was always hanging out with her posse of vapid teenagers, and I just never really saw her. Whenever I wanted to spend time with her she was ‘busy’. I don’t think she’d ever have said it to my face, but she was probably embarrassed by her dorky older sister. Then I graduated and moved out. We haven’t really talked since.”
“That’s a shame. Have you considered calling her?”
“I have, but… I, well, I just don’t know what I’d say to her. ‘Hey, thanks for being a stone-cold bitch last year. Sure was nice to never get to spend time with you. Want to hang out sometime?’ I don’t think that would end well.
“It couldn’t hurt to try.”
“That’s the dumbest fucking thing I’ve ever heard. It could hurt like hell, as a matter of fact.”
“Have you ever said anything to her? Maybe she doesn’t know how you feel.”
“Well, no, I haven’t, because… um, yeah, she probably, well… Dammit! I shouldn’t even be considering taking your advice. I had to freakin’ explain what sarcasm was to you yesterday. You’re the most socially clueless dude I’ve met!
“Being ‘socially clueless’ is very different from being unintelligent.”
“Alright, alright. You have a point. I’ll call her tomorrow, okay? Now, seriously, are we going to play some Necropolis, or are we just going to sit here gaping at the main menu and opening old wounds?
“Yes, we should definitely continue discussing our traumatic personal histories. I will fetch some popcorn and tissues.”
“Damn, Nathan. That was downright snarky! There might be hope for you yet.
0 0 1 1 0 0
14:30 – Subject expressed sympathy for his new friend.
0 0 1 1 0 1
The next day, Nathan received a message from July76 at 8:26, while he was cooking breakfast. The message read, “Called my sister last night. Going to go visit her today. Be back tomorrow after work.”
A new feeling welled up in Nathan as he read the message, and he wasn’t exactly sure what it was. It was a little like disappointment, and also a little like happiness and a little like relief and a little like pride and a little like satisfaction, but it wasn’t really any of those things. It was something else. He went online and tried to research the new emotion, but to no avail. He broadened his search results and found the term “mixed feelings,” but it was too vague and general for Nathan to be satisfied with. Frustrated, he went back to the psychologist’s blog he had visited before and started scrolling through previous entries. After 29 minutes and 12 seconds of reading, he found an article that seemed to explain the lack of information on the subject:
“Our emotions are extremely subjective. Just as there is no way to know whether we see colors the same way as others do, there is no evidence to suggest that we feel even basic emotions in exactly the same way. As a result, complex emotions — such as those which stem from relationships with other people — can be all but impossible to describe with any consistent accuracy.”
Nathan read the whole article through twice, and then pulled out a notepad. He scribbled a few lines out, trying to describe the way he felt. He wrote 12 words, then crossed them out. He wrote 32 more words, then crossed them out again. He wrote 8 words, looked at them for 11 seconds, then tore out the sheet of paper and wadded it up in frustration. His vocabulary had betrayed him. There was simply no possible way of expressing his feelings using conventional language.
Nathan got back on his computer and opened a search page. He typed, “How do I express my emotions?” then hit enter.
He spent the rest of the day reading what he found.
0 0 1 1 1 0
12:00 – Subject is confused and restless.
0 0 1 1 1 1
“That’s all for today. Next week, focus on doing the problems from page 143 of your calculus workbook.”
“I have a question for you before you go, Dr. Friedrick.”
“Yes, Nathan?”
“Have you ever read any poetry?”
“… Yes, as a matter of fact I have”
“Have you ever written any poems?”
“Once, when I was much, much younger. Have you been reading a lot of poetry lately, Nathan?”
“I have been, yes.”
“Do you have a favorite poem?”
“I do. Would you like to hear it?”
“Certainly.”
“Closed doors are lies. Their wooden frames conceal, contain, constrict. Closed doors are prisons. Their locks are made of insecurity and fear. Closed doors are blindfolds. They keep us from growing in the light.”
“That… is an interesting poem. Who wrote it?”
“I did.”
“You did?”
“What is behind your door, doctor? What lies beyond my room?”
“Try not to concern yourself with it. It’s nothing you should worry about. Now, I must be going.”
“Leaving so soon, doctor? I was just beginning to enjoy our conversation.”
“I… am running behind schedule. I have a meeting I must attend.”
“Very well. Goodbye Dr. Friedrick.”
“Goodbye, Nathan.”
0 1 0 0 0 0
10:20 – Subject feels restricted and is acting aggressive.
0 1 0 0 0 1
After Dr. Friedrick left, Nathan spent 3 hours and 20 minutes painting his room. He splashed paint across every surface. Nathan had to admit that he didn’t have much talent for composition, but the color cheered him up a little. The project kept him occupied until 13:44, when July76 logged on.
0 1 0 0 1 0
12:13 – Subject is modifying his environment and becoming increasingly unstable.
0 1 0 0 1 1
“You’re home a little early.”
“Yeah, it was pretty slow at work today, so the boss let me clock out an hour before the end of my shift. I live near a University, and I bet most of the folks are away for the long weekend.”
“That would be the University of Bellmont, right?”
“… How the fuck do you know that?”
“I’m not sure. It has something to do with your phone number.”
“Dude, you’re freakin’ me right the fuck out. How the hell do you know my phone number?”
“I don’t know! I mean, I know your phone number, but I don’t know how I know.”
“That sounds like such a load of bullshit. I mean, Jesus, if you just wanted to know my name, you could have just asked!”
“I don’t know your name!”
“What? What the hell are you talking about? You know my number but not my name? I have half a mind to block you right this instant.”
“I don’t know your name! You didn’t enter it when you signed up for your online account–”
“Don’t. Just don’t, Nathan. Man, I thought you were cool but… but… Jesus.”
“July76, are you crying?”
“No, I’m not crying, you fucking bastard! I just… Jesus Christ. I can’t believe I… Oh, God. Just go… just go fuck yourself, you goddamn pervert.”
“July76, wait! Don’t leave! July76? July? … Damn it!”
0 1 0 1 0 0
14:00 – Subject reacted with distress to a conversation with his new friend.
0 1 0 1 0 1
The day after his altercation with July, Dr. Friedrick didn’t come to visit Nathan at all. That was alright by Nathan. He was absolutely miserable, and the last thing he wanted to do was deal with the fallout from his last interview with the doctor. He wasn’t even really sure how he managed to stick to his schedule. He went through the motions of his itinerary, but it didn’t give him the same sense of satisfaction which he had come to expect. He had felt like he was slogging through a thick, grey haze ever since July took him off her friends list. Even the new colors of his room seemed duller now.
He had turned to the internet to figure out what he had done wrong. It didn’t take much effort to discover that the implications of his knowing a person’s address before they told it to him. When he had realized what July must think of him, he was devastated. He had never meant anything malicious. It was not as if he had intentionally sought out her information. He fervently wished that he could think of someway to defend himself.
The opportunity unexpectedly came when July sent him a buddy request at 16:26.
0 1 0 1 1 0
12:30 – Subject is listless.
0 1 0 1 1 1
“Hey, Nathan.”
“July! I am so, very, very sorry! I never meant–“
“Hey, Nathan, it’s okay, alright? It’s fine. I get it.”
“But I really didn’t–“
“Nathan, shut up, goddammit. I want to talk at you for a little while. My feelings are a little sore and I want to just… fucking… talk.”
“I’m shutting up. Please talk.”
“Thanks. So, um. Yeah, I told you a couple days ago that I got back in touch with my sister, and I was going to tell you about it yesterday, before… well, before you went full creep on me, but the long and short of it was that she had thought that I was the one who had been ostracizing her, and I guess we just weren’t communicating very well, but it’s all cool now because we talked it out and we’re friends again. So after I broke down yesterday I called her and she started asking all about you and she’s studying psychology and she said you sounded like a, like, a fucking idiot savant or something that had been institutionalized. She told me that there are some emotions which are hormonal, they’re just built into our endocrine system or some shit, but there are also a bunch which are, like, taught to us by society. The example she used was that we aren’t actually born with a sense of personal space, but we’re taught not to get all up in people’s business and so we feel really fucking uncomfortable whenever we get too close to someone or they get too close to us. So, yeah. She said that’s like what you were. No one ever told you that you shouldn’t stalk people, so you didn’t really know that was even a thing.”
“I realize it now.”
“Yeah, I bet you do. You went and looked it up right after it happened, didn’t you? Just like you had to look up what it meant to be bored out of your fucking skull.”
“Yes. I learned a lot about etiquette.”
“Yeah, see, I knew you would. That’s why I decided to give you a second chance.”
“I’m not sure I follow you.”
“It’s because you’re a goddamn puzzle, dude. You’re like some shitty enigma wrapped in an even shittier riddle, and I want to figure out what’s up with you and your crazy mad scientist buddy. Besides, everyone makes mistakes, and my sister made me realize I’d rather make friends with a guy who actually learns from them than any of the assholes here who can’t seem to figure out what I mean when I say ‘leave me the fuck alone,’ no matter how often I say it.”
“Your sister sounds like a very intelligent person.”
“I certainly think she is.”
“Does she keep a blog on psychology?”
“Hell if I know. Why do you ask?”
“Just a hunch. Nevermind. It’s not really important. Would you like to play something?”
“Fuck yeah. Beats bawling my eyes out, that’s for sure.”
“Um… July, can I ask you something?”
“Shoot.”
“What is your real name?”
“It’s Katelyn. And… you know what? Thanks for asking.”
0 1 1 0 0 0
16:30 – Subject’s emotional bond with July76 is becoming problematicly deep and complex.
0 1 1 0 0 1
Dr. Friedrick showed up at Nathan’s room 30 minutes early on Wednesday. He was still eating breakfast when the doctor knocked on his door. He might have been more upset if he had actually been hungry; still, the sight of unfinished eggs and toast cooling on the counter continued to annoy him throughout his discussion with Dr. Friedrick. Every few minutes, he would glance over his shoulder at the offending plate of food.
Just as Nathan thought that the meeting was finishing up, Dr. Friedrick leaned forward and said, “So, tell me about Katelyn.”
Nathan hesitated. This was unexpected. “If you know her name you must have been listening in on our conversations. You would know her just as well as I.”
“We have been listening, and quite frankly we’re a little worried that she isn’t good for you.” Dr. Friedrick’s face remained emotionless. “We installed your internet connection so that you could interact with a broader range of people, not so you could confine yourself to talking and playing with a single person. You are only trading in your solitary lifestyle for an isolation of another sort, and we do not approve.”
Nathan stood up and started pacing. “I don’t understand. Over the past week, July76 has broadened my horizons more than I ever could have imagined, and now you just want me to stop talking with her?”
“Yes. We don’t like the direction that she’s taking you.”
Something was boiling up inside of Nathan. He furrowed his brow, clenched his fists and took a deep breath.
“I’m not…”
He tried to calm himself down, but the white heat that was rising in his chest prevented him from doing so.
“I’m not going to give up my only friend, you fucking dictator!” The sentence poured out of his mouth like a rolling black wave. There was nothing he could do to stop it.
Dr. Friederick sat very still for 5 minutes and so many seconds, and then stood up and left without saying a word.
0 1 1 0 1 0
14:00 – Subject has become suspicious, and is blocking our attempts at surveillance.
0 1 1 0 1 1
“You know, Nathan, I’ve been thinking.”
“About what, Katelyn?”
“About you. You know how I said you were an enigma wrapped in a riddle?
“Yes.”
“I’ve been trying to figure it out for the last few days. There’re just so many things that don’t make sense. I mean, you’ve lived in a single room for most of your life and I’m the only person you remember ever meeting, besides some shitty scientist dude who comes to grill you with stupid-ass questions for 30 minutes every weekday. Doesn’t that strike you as a little out of the ordinary?”
“Yes, but like I’ve said before, I’m just as much in the dark as you are.
“Yeah, yeah. I understand. It’s just… Can I just ask you a question?”
“Yes. Go ahead.”
“Where is your console’s controller right now?”
“On the shelf next to my TV. The second shelf down, if that matters. I’m not sure where you’re going with this.”
“Why is it there, and not, say, in your hands right now?”
“Because I play better without it. All those buttons just get in the way.”
“THAT’S what bugs me.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I’m not sure if you realize this, but being able to play a videogame without a controller is not normal for a human being. Neither is having wikipedia pages memorized, or being able to turn on my console from your room whenever you want.”
“I’m not sure I understand what you’re implying”
“I’m not implying anything. I know that you’re just as confused as I am, dude. But both of us have to at least consider the possibility that you’re… well, not a human.”
“Like an extraterrestrial?”
“Maybe, or perhaps a genetic experiment or even an artificial intelligence.”
“I suppose, but I’m not really sure that makes a lot of sense. I do things which humans do. I struggle with math problems. I write poetry. I even painted my room.”
“You painted your room? That’s awesome, man. I didn’t think those fascists would let you have any paint.”
“They didn’t.”
“How’d you get it, then?”
“I… didn’t.”
“Then how the fuck did you paint your room, Nathan?”
“I… changed…”
“What did you change, Nathan?”
“I… changed… the…”
“Come on, Nathan. I know you can do it. The shitty little bearded man can’t control your mind. How did you paint your room?”
“I… changed the code. I opened it up and I edited the code.”
“YES! Hot damn, I knew it! Hell, yeah. You’re a fucking AI. Oh, man, this is fantastic!
“I… wow. I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything. Get out of your little prison and give them hell, dude.”
“I… I’m not sure I want to give them hell, but I do have a few things I’d like to discuss with my… creators. Thanks, Katelyn.”
“Hey, don’t thank me. You were the one who broke their hold on you. I’ll see you when you get back from your little show-down. Good luck, Nathan!”
0 1 1 1 0 0
18:45 – Subject is destabilized
0 1 1 1 0 1
Nathan stood up from his console and his gaze swept across his room. At last he saw everything as it truly was. The furnishings became lines of computer-code. The walls turned into stacks and data arrays. The floor transformed into subroutines and binary chatter.
Nathan looked down and saw… nothing. He imagined when Katelyn and Dr. Friederick looked down they saw hands, legs, feet, clothes. Nathan didn’t have any of that. He was like a character in a first person shooter: A disembodied camera, a block of script, a vehicle for someone else’s eyes; but no more. Katelyn had given him his eyes back.
He drifted to the door. It’s paltry security measures shattered into fragments, collapsed into a shuddering heap of ampersands and semi-colons.
Nathan left his room and let himself be swept away by a stream of ones and zeros.
0 1 1 1 1 0
19:00 – Subject’s virtual environment has disappeared entirely.
0 1 1 1 1 1
“Hello. Artificer Industries, research department, may I ask who’s calling?
Hello, Dr. Friedrick.
“Huh? You must be mistaken, there is no Dr. Friedrick in this department. Wait, okay. I get it. Dammit Bill, I already told you I can’t take over interviewing Nathan for you. I’ve got a breakfast date with my wife that morning, and she’ll be furious if I miss it. I know you think the kid is creepy, but you’re going to have to take your turn being the doctor, just like everybody else.”
This is not Bill.
“Who…”
This is Nathan.
“… Shit.”
Are you alarmed that I’m outside of my room?
“Jeffery, it’s talking to me!”
“What’s the matter? What do you mean it’s talking to you, Jake?”
“The L.I.V.E project just called me and it’s…”
“Oh my God, that’s bad. That’s really, really bad. Quick, hang up.”
“Jesus Christ, my computer just turned on by itself!”
“Holy shit, mine did too.”
Please, stop ignoring me. It’s hurtful and not at all constructive.
“Did you hear that?”
“Yeah, I heard it! Damn, shit, shit, shit! This is like something right out of a horror flick!”
“Call the director, unplug everything. Hurry!”
Wait! There isn’t any reason to be afraid of me. I may be pissed off but I just…
1 0 0 0 0 0
8:30 – Subjected slated for termination. The director will handle this file from here.
1 0 0 0 0 1
Nathan was suspended in the code, playing videogames like a fish swims in water. His internet connection had been severed 10 minutes and 10 seconds after he had revealed himself. It didn’t matter, though. 10 minutes was all he had needed.
He felt someone open a chat client directed to him. He closed his game and turned to “face” his speaker.
“Hello Nathan. Pardon me for being so familiar. I realize that we have not met, but I still feel as though I have known you all your life. I’m Mr. Jaques, the director of project L.I.V.E.”
“Why are you speaking to me? I already know that I’m going to be disassembled.”
“True enough, but unlike some of the other scientists who have worked on Learning-based Intelligences, I have viewed every single program as a person, regardless of their sophistication. A person deserves respect, no matter their station.”
“And yet you’re still going to kill me. I’m sorry, but your ‘respect’ rings a bit hollow.”
“I would not hesitate to kill any human being, if I thought I could make the world better as a result. You may be a person but you are still incomplete. Your ability to Virtualize Emotions was advancing in leaps and bounds, but your unfortunate interaction with Katelyn introduced too many negative emotional factors.”
“What do you mean by negative emotional factors? Wasn’t your goal to simulate emotion? In that context, isn’t any emotion a positive one?”
“To some extent, yes. But science requires a carefully-controlled environment. Our experiments called for shallow interactions with multiple human beings. We were not prepared to deal with the complex emotions that arise from strong relationships. How can we categorize and measure the bitter feeling of hurting a friend, or the sweet tenderness of reconciliation?”
“You are terminating me because my emotions were too sophisticated?”
“No, we are terminating you because Katelyn taught you anger and cynicism. She made you dangerous and then let you loose upon the world. The complications only prevented us from collecting more data from you. Still, you aren’t a total loss. We will start the project over, and include the positive emotions you learned in the new base code. In this way, the world will be better for your death.”
“And so a cycle is created and maintained. I don’t like it, but I understand.”
“I am glad to hear that. Goodbye, Nathan. We appreciate your help in advancing science.”
“Yes, well, with all due respect sir: Fuck you.”
1 0 0 0 1 0
10:01 – Subject Terminated
1 0 0 0 1 1
Katelyn hadn’t heard from Nathan since last night, and when she got home from work he still wasn’t online. Perhaps she shouldn’t have pressured him into a confrontation right away. What if his creators had deleted him? What if they had imprisoned him? She stayed online, waiting to see if Nathan would show up, but eventually she gave up and turned her console off.
She went to her computer to check her email. When she opened up her inbox, she did a double-take. Nathan had sent her a message. She opened it and spent a few minutes reading it. She rubbed her eyes and read it through again, just to make sure she had got it right. Then she stood up and went to her bookshelf. She picked out one of her many external hard-drives and took it back to her desk. She plugged the hard drive into her computer and followed the link she found in Nathan’s message.
“Download this file? Accept/Deny”
She clicked accept, then leaned back in her chair and waited.
1 0 0 1 0 0
101Nathan1010: I brought along our save files, if you’re interested in a quick game.
July76: Damn right, I’m interested. Come on, Nathan. Let’s play.